Can you help me draft a letter of wishes for my kids? Yes. Write a dated, plain-language letter that explains your values, the children’s routines and relationships, your reasons for guardian and inheritance decisions, the stories behind important belongings and the messages you want each child to receive. Keep binding appointments, estate gifts and trust terms in the appropriate legal documents rather than trying to create a second will.
A strong letter of wishes gives trusted adults context they cannot get from a list of assets. It should help a guardian understand the children, help an executor or trustee interpret practical preferences and help the children hear your own voice. This guide includes a complete drafting structure, sample wording, fairness and guardian scenarios, storage controls and a review checklist.
Can you help me draft a letter of wishes for my kids?
Begin by stating what the letter is and what it is not. Name the will, trust, guardian appointment or other formal documents that sit beside it. Tell the reader to follow the legal documents where there is any conflict. This opening protects the letter from being mistaken for a replacement will.
A practical opening might say: “I am writing this letter to explain the values, relationships and practical details that I hope will guide the people caring for my children. My will and other signed documents contain the formal appointments and legal instructions. This letter adds personal context and should be read with those documents.”
Next, identify the children by full name and date of birth, the people the letter is intended for and the date of writing. Avoid vague references such as “the kids” when several family members may later need to use the document.
Legal Aid NSW explains the role of a will. Victoria Legal Aid provides guidance on wills and estates, while Legal Aid Western Australia covers estate-planning basics. Use the formal document required where you live.
Use a ten-part drafting structure
| Section | What to include | What to avoid |
|---|---|---|
| Purpose and document hierarchy | Why you are writing and which legal documents control | Suggesting the letter overrides the will |
| Each child as an individual | Strengths, interests, relationships and current needs | Ranking children or predicting their future worth |
| Guardians and care | Routines, health, education, culture, faith and support network | Secret expectations the proposed guardian never accepted |
| Values and family culture | Principles, traditions, language, community and decision style | Rigid scripts that leave no room for the child to grow |
| Education and opportunities | Priorities, reasonable aspirations and available resources | Vague financial conditions that cannot be administered |
| Money and inheritance reasoning | Purpose of gifts, trusts or unequal distributions | Accusations, punishment or attempts to change legal terms |
| Heirlooms and belongings | Object, story, intended recipient and location | Relying on memory or an unidentified photograph |
| Relationships to preserve | Grandparents, siblings, mentors, culture and community | Forcing contact that may later be unsafe |
| Personal messages | Love, gratitude, memories, lessons and reassurance | Making a child carry unresolved adult conflict |
| Review and access | Date, copy holders, storage location and review triggers | Leaving several unlabeled versions in circulation |
You do not need to complete every section in one sitting. Draft the practical parts first, then return to the personal messages after the structure is stable. The legal documents and guardian conversations should be completed rather than delayed while you search for perfect wording.
An online estate planning vault can keep the signed will and practical letter in separate records while still showing trusted people how they relate.
Write about each child without comparing their worth
Give each child a short individual section. Describe interests, temperament, current relationships, ways they respond to change and the support that helps them feel safe. Use observations rather than labels. “Mia settles more easily when someone explains the plan before changing it” is more useful than “Mia is difficult with change”.
Include strengths and ordinary details. A guardian may need to know that one child finds comfort in a weekly call with a grandparent, another needs quiet after school and another takes pride in cooking the family meal on Fridays. These details help preserve continuity.
Do not predict careers, relationships or identities. State hopes without creating a test the child must pass to deserve love or support. A useful sentence is: “I hope you have room to discover your own interests and values, even where they differ from mine.”
If a child has a disability, health condition or learning need, record the current professionals, routines, equipment, communication preferences and advocacy contacts in a separate practical briefing. The letter can explain the values behind that support without becoming the only medical or care record.
Prepare the guardian rather than only naming one
A formal guardian appointment may identify the preferred person, but the letter should explain the children’s everyday lives. Cover school, childcare, medicines, allergies, health providers, friends, pets, cultural practices, faith, language, important relatives and the people who can provide practical help.
Talk to the proposed guardian before writing as though the decision is settled. Ask whether they are willing, whether their household can accommodate the children, how they would preserve sibling relationships and which costs or support would need to be planned.
A sample paragraph might read: “My preference is that the children remain together where this is safe and workable. Please preserve their regular contact with Aunty Priya and their grandparents, who are important sources of stability. I have recorded school, health and activity details in the guardian briefing and will review them each year.”
Do not place one proposed guardian in a public family competition. Explain the choice privately and distinguish formal authority from the importance of other relatives. Better Health Channel provides practical information on relationships and communication.
Explain values without trying to control adulthood
Values are useful when they guide judgement rather than prescribe every choice. You may want to discuss kindness, honesty, curiosity, responsibility, cultural identity, service, education, creativity or family connection. Explain how those values appeared in your own life.
Use stories. “I hope you remember that our family made room at the table when someone needed company” gives a child more context than “Always be generous”. A short example of a mistake and what you learned can be more credible than a list of virtues.
Avoid presenting personal beliefs as a debt the child must repay. Leave room for a different career, faith, relationship, home or way of living. The letter should support the child’s identity rather than freeze them inside your expectations.
A story and legacy vault can hold longer recordings and family stories so the practical letter remains concise.
Address inheritance fairness calmly
Parents sometimes leave unequal amounts because one child received substantial lifetime support, has a disability, works in the family business, provided long-term care or needs a protective trust. A letter can explain the reasoning, but the legal plan must carry the distribution.
Write facts, not character judgements. “I contributed $120,000 to Alex’s home deposit in 2024 and have taken that into account in the estate plan” is clearer than “Alex has already had enough”. If the reasoning involves private health or financial information, decide carefully what should be disclosed and to whom.
Parents who find themselves asking am I being unfair to my kids should test whether the distinction is connected to a legitimate purpose, whether the legal structure achieves it and whether the explanation would still sound fair if read aloud to every child.
Do not use the letter to punish estrangement, reopen old arguments or speculate about a child’s future behaviour. Where there is a substantial inequality or likely dispute, obtain appropriate professional advice before relying on an informal explanation.
Discuss education, housing and money as priorities
Explain the goals behind financial support without inventing unworkable conditions. You may want funds used for education, health, housing or a staged transition to independence. The trustee or executor needs legal authority and clear terms in the formal document.
A letter can add context: “My priority is that the children have stable housing and can pursue education or training suited to their abilities. I do not expect them to follow one profession. I hope the trustee will consider reasonable costs, scholarships and the need to preserve funds for later years.”
Avoid numerical instructions that contradict the trust or will. Do not direct a trustee to withhold support because a child chooses a partner, faith or career you dislike. The letter should help with judgement inside the legal powers, not create a parallel set of conditions.
MoneySmart’s guidance on budgeting and planning expenses can help families estimate ordinary living and education costs before deciding what the estate plan can realistically support.
Record heirlooms and personal belongings with context
Identify each important object precisely. Include a photograph, description, current location, story and intended recipient. “Grandmother’s ring” may be unclear if several rings exist. “Rose-gold ring with three small stones, held in the bedroom safe, inherited from Elsie Morgan in 1998” is usable.
Explain why the item matters. The story may be more valuable than the object. If the formal estate plan must make the gift, confirm that the will or memorandum process used in your jurisdiction supports it. Do not assume the letter alone transfers ownership.
The National Archives of Australia explains caring for personal and family collections. The United States National Archives provides guidance on digitising family photographs and papers, while the Library of Congress publishes recommended formats for long-term access.
Keep sensitive digital access outside the letter
Do not put passwords, account numbers, security questions, medical identifiers or recovery codes in the letter. Those details change and may expose the family if the document is copied or emailed.
Instead, state where the current inventory and access instructions are held. A sentence may read: “The letter does not contain login details. The executor and guardian should follow the access register in the Essentials Room and use the authorised recovery processes for each service.”
Families using cloud-based file storage for sensitive documents should separate the letter from credentials, apply strong authentication and define who can download or share it. Before choosing a provider, compare cloud storage services for important documents by recovery, permissions, export, version history and jurisdiction.
The Australian Cyber Security Centre recommends using password managers. The Office of the Australian Information Commissioner explains rights relating to personal information. The eSafety Commissioner also provides family privacy guidance.
Write personal messages that do not create a burden
Personal messages can express love, pride, apology, gratitude and hope. Address each child directly. Use their name. Include one or two specific memories rather than broad claims about being proud.
A useful pattern is memory, meaning and permission. “I remember how patiently you taught your cousin to ride a bicycle. It showed the calm attention you give people. I hope you keep that quality, but you never have to become responsible for everyone else’s happiness.”
Do not leave a child responsible for reconciling adults, protecting a parent’s reputation or completing an unfinished life project. Do not disclose another person’s trauma or private information merely because the letter will be read later.
Longer messages can sit outside the practical letter. Evaheld can preserve separate letters, voice notes and videos for each child, allowing different recipients and future delivery without forcing the guardian to distribute one document manually.
Include a usable family relationship map
List the people who are important to each child and the role they play. Include grandparents, siblings, stepfamily, godparents, family friends, teachers, coaches, cultural leaders and health professionals where relevant. Add current contact details in a separate register rather than inside the emotional message.
Explain relationships that may not be obvious from legal documents. A child may rely on a former neighbour, a half-sibling in another household or a mentor who is not a relative. Record the importance of the relationship without giving that person authority they do not have.
Where contact could be unsafe, describe the current boundary and the person who should review it. Avoid permanent instructions based on circumstances that may change. Protecting the child remains more important than preserving every adult relationship.
Draft a clear closing section
End with reassurance, not another list of duties. Thank the people who may carry the responsibility. State that the children should be heard as they grow and that the letter should be interpreted with their welfare and changing circumstances in mind.
Sample closing wording: “Thank you for caring for the children and for using this letter as context rather than a rigid script. Please listen to who they become, preserve the relationships that support them and seek appropriate advice when the legal documents or circumstances are unclear. My strongest wish is that they know they were loved as individuals.”
Date and sign the letter. Record where the current version is stored, who has access and which earlier versions are superseded.
Review the letter with the formal estate plan
Review after birth or adoption, separation, marriage, death, changed guardians, a child’s diagnosis, relocation, major asset changes, a new trust, changed family conflict or a change in intended recipients. The review should cover the will, appointments, trust documents, letter, guardian briefing and access permissions.
NSW Government explains wills and deceased estates. GOV.UK provides guidance on making a will and applying for probate. The Supreme Court of Western Australia explains probate in Western Australia.
Mark old letters as superseded rather than leaving several files called “final”. Tell the guardian, executor and adviser when the current version changes.
Common letter-of-wishes mistakes
Trying to create a second will: Keep binding instructions in the formal document.
Writing to unnamed “kids”: Identify each child and trusted adult clearly.
Ranking children: Explain differences without comparing worth.
Surprising the proposed guardian: Discuss willingness and practical capacity first.
Using accusations to explain unequal gifts: State facts and purpose calmly.
Leaving heirlooms unidentified: Add photographs, location and provenance.
Putting passwords in the letter: Point to a separate secure access system.
Making a child responsible for adult conflict: Keep apologies and disputes proportionate.
Writing rigid future instructions: Leave room for the children to develop their own lives.
Failing to review: Update the letter and legal records after major changes.
How Evaheld supports a letter of wishes for children
Evaheld can keep the letter beside the executed will, guardian briefing, trust documents, heirloom records and family contact map while preserving separate access for each category. An executor may receive the will and estate instructions. A guardian may receive the children’s routines and relationship map. A child may receive a personal letter or recording at an appropriate time.
The account holder can create private Rooms for each child, use Content Requests to collect family photographs or memories and update practical information without rewriting the emotional message. Old versions can be labelled so trusted people know which document is current.
Where supported, Evaheld’s online will maker can help users create or update a will, while the letter remains a separate non-binding record. This prevents personal guidance from being confused with the legal instrument.
Start with the purpose, guardian briefing and one message for each child. A complete, current core record is more useful than an ambitious archive that remains unfinished.
Final letter of wishes checklist
State the purpose and name the formal legal documents.
Identify every child and intended adult reader.
Write an individual section for each child.
Prepare the proposed guardian with routines, health and relationships.
Explain values through specific stories rather than rigid commands.
Record inheritance reasoning without criticism or contradiction.
Photograph and identify important heirlooms.
Keep passwords and account numbers in a separate secure system.
Create a relationship and support map.
Date, sign and label the current version.
Tell the guardian, executor and adviser where it is stored.
Review after family, legal, health or asset changes.
Begin in Evaheld by drafting a letter of wishes for my kids, then store the will, guardian notes and private messages in separate Rooms with the right recipients.
FAQs about a letter of wishes for kids
Can you help me draft a letter of wishes for my kids?
Yes. Explain the purpose, identify the formal documents, then cover guardians, routines, values, education, inheritance reasoning, heirlooms and personal messages. Keep binding appointments and gifts in the will or trust. An online estate planning vault can keep the records separate, and Legal Aid NSW explains the role of a will.
Is a letter of wishes legally binding?
It is generally guidance rather than a substitute for a valid will, trust or appointment. Its usefulness comes from explaining context and practical preferences. Evaheld’s planning ahead pathway helps distinguish the documents, while GOV.UK outlines formal will requirements.
What should I tell a proposed guardian?
Record the children’s routines, health, education, important relationships, culture, practical support and your reasons for the choice. Ask whether the person is genuinely willing before writing as though the appointment is settled. A digital legacy platform can share the briefing selectively, and Better Health Channel offers guidance on clear family communication.
Should I explain unequal inheritances in the letter?
A calm factual explanation may reduce confusion, but it should not criticise a child or try to change the legal distribution. State the purpose and ask whether the legal structure achieves it. Parents asking am I being unfair to my kids should test the decision, while Victoria Legal Aid provides wills and estates guidance.
Can I include wishes for jewellery, photographs and heirlooms?
Yes. Identify the item, story, current location and intended recipient, then confirm whether the formal estate plan must carry the gift. A story and legacy vault can preserve the provenance, and the National Archives of Australia explains caring for family collections.
Should the letter contain passwords or account numbers?
No. Point to the authorised access system and current inventory instead. Passwords change, and copied letters may reach people who do not need them. cloud-based file storage for sensitive documents belongs in a separate secure workflow, and the Australian Cyber Security Centre recommends password managers.
How should I choose a digital storage service for the letter?
Check authentication, recovery, permissions, export, version history and who can access the file after incapacity or death. Test whether the current version can be identified without opening several files. Compare cloud storage services for important documents, and the OAIC explains personal-information privacy rights.
How personal should a letter of wishes be?
Use specific memories, values and reassurance, but do not make children responsible for unresolved adult conflict or disclose another person’s private story. Keep the practical letter concise and place longer messages elsewhere. A story and legacy vault can hold those messages, while the eSafety Commissioner provides family privacy guidance.
How often should I update the letter?
Review it after births, separation, death, changed guardians, new assets or a major change in a child’s needs. Update access holders and clearly label the previous version as superseded. Evaheld’s planning ahead pathway can record each review, while NSW Government explains wills and deceased estates.
How can Evaheld help with a letter of wishes for children?
Evaheld can keep the letter, executed will, guardian briefing, heirloom stories and future messages in separate Rooms with different recipients. The account holder can update practical details without rewriting every personal message. Its digital legacy platform keeps the current version organised, while the Library of Congress provides recommended formats for long-term access.
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