A letter of wishes is one of the most useful estate planning documents a person can leave behind, yet it is often treated as optional, sentimental or secondary.
That is a mistake.
A will tells people what must happen. A letter of wishes helps them understand why it matters, how decisions should be approached, and what you would want considered when the legal document does not answer every human question.
In 2026, the best letter of wishes examples are not vague notes about love and memory. They are practical, compassionate and clear. They help executors carry out your wishes without being left to guess, defend, explain or mediate family tension alone.
Because official guidance on executor responsibilities after a death shows that the role can involve legal duties, financial decisions, family communication, probate, tax and emotional pressure, the people chosen for this responsibility need more than a will. The court process for applying for probate may be structured, but family grief rarely is.
That is exactly where a well-written letter of wishes becomes powerful.
What is a letter of wishes?
A letter of wishes is a private document that sits alongside your will and gives guidance to your executor, trustee, guardian or family. It is usually not legally binding, but it can be deeply useful because it explains the thinking behind your formal estate plan.
The difference between a will and a letter of wishes is simple but important: the will carries the formal legal instructions, while the letter of wishes gives personal explanation, practical guidance and emotional context.
A strong letter of wishes may explain:
why certain gifts were made
why gifts were unequal
how sentimental items should be handled
what kind of funeral or memorial would feel right
how digital accounts, pets or personal records should be approached
what values should guide difficult decisions
how you want your executor to communicate with family
which matters should remain private
where key documents and account information can be found
Good letters are calm, specific and useful. They do not try to replace legal advice. They make the executor’s work clearer.
Is a letter of wishes legally binding?
In most cases, no. A letter of wishes is guidance rather than a binding legal document.
That does not make it weak. It makes it flexible.
A will can be difficult to update and must follow formal requirements. A letter of wishes can be reviewed more easily as relationships, assets and circumstances change. Guidance on what a statement of wishes should contain and avoid makes clear that the document should explain preferences without pretending to create legal obligations.
This distinction matters. If something must be legally binding, it belongs in the will or another formal document. If something needs explanation, tone, preference or context, it may belong in the letter of wishes.
The strongest estate plans use both.
That is why a succession planning letter of wishes for trustees and beneficiaries can be valuable not only for complex trusts or philanthropy, but for ordinary families trying to prevent confusion.
What is the difference between a will and a letter of wishes?
A will is the legal instrument. A letter of wishes is the interpretive layer.
Your will appoints executors, distributes assets and forms part of formal estate administration. Your letter of wishes explains the human part: why you made certain choices, what should matter most, and how you hope sensitive situations will be handled.
That distinction matters because formal estate planning documents such as wills and powers of attorney sit within legal planning, while a letter of wishes sits beside those documents as support. It also matters because superannuation death benefits may follow separate nomination rules, which means your will and your letter of wishes may not control every asset in the same way.
A letter of wishes should never contradict your will. It should explain it, support it and reduce the chance that people invent their own version of your intent.
What should a letter of wishes include?
A strong letter of wishes should include the information your executor is most likely to need when emotions are high and certainty is low.
Start with your values. The values and preferences that guide future decisions that matter in health and care planning also matter in estate planning: fairness, privacy, simplicity, dignity, family peace, independence and continuity.
Then explain the choices that may be questioned. Unequal gifts, exclusions, loans, caregiving arrangements, blended family decisions and sentimental items should not be left to interpretation if they are likely to create pain.
Also include practical guidance. The people left behind may need to know where key records are, who to contact, which accounts matter, what should be preserved and what should be closed. Broader guidance on organising practical matters before death shows why preparation is not only legal; it is deeply practical.
A useful letter of wishes may cover:
personal values and priorities
explanations for sensitive decisions
guidance on sentimental belongings
funeral or memorial preferences
digital assets and online accounts
pets and household arrangements
private records or messages
who should be told what, and when
communication expectations for beneficiaries
reassurance for the executor
where to locate important documents
The point is not to control every detail. The point is to make good decisions easier.
What are the best letter of wishes examples for executors?
Most people searching for letter of wishes examples need wording they can understand, adapt and trust. These examples are written to solve real problems.
Example 1: Explaining unequal gifts
I have not divided my estate equally, and I want to explain why.
This decision is not a measure of love. It reflects different needs, different support already given during my lifetime, and what I believe is fair in the full context of our family.
I ask that my executor not be drawn into arguments about whether this should have been done differently. I made this decision carefully and ask that it be carried out with calm and respect.
This helps because it answers the question beneficiaries often ask first: why? Research into intergenerational bequests and family relationship strain shows that conflict is often about meaning, expectation and perceived fairness, not just money.
Example 2: Handling sentimental belongings
Some personal items in my home may matter deeply to more than one person. If that happens, I would like meaning to be considered before financial value.
If agreement cannot be reached, I am comfortable with my executor using a fair process, such as taking turns, drawing lots, or arranging sale and equal sharing of proceeds.
My preference is that relationships are protected wherever possible.
This gives the executor a process. That matters because sentimental items are often where grief, memory and rivalry collide.
A will can distribute “personal effects,” but it may not explain what should happen when two people both want the same ring, photograph, tool set, recipe book or family painting. A letter of wishes can make that process calmer before conflict begins.
Example 3: Supporting a blended family
My family structure is not simple, and I know some decisions may surprise people.
I have tried to balance love, history, caregiving, present-day need and the realities of our relationships. Some gifts reflect biological ties, some reflect care that was given, and some reflect practical need.
Please do not treat every difference as a slight. Some differences are simply the result of different circumstances.
This kind of wording is useful where there are stepchildren, former partners, second marriages, estrangement or long-term carers.
In blended families, silence is dangerous. If the letter does not explain the principle behind decisions, disappointed people may create their own explanation. That is how “different circumstances” becomes “different love” in the minds of those left behind.
Example 4: Giving funeral guidance
I do not want a large or expensive funeral. I would prefer something simple, warm and honest.
Music matters more to me than formality. Stories matter more to me than speeches. If people gather, I would like it to feel like me, not like an obligation.
If others pressure the executor to make it more elaborate, I ask that simplicity be respected.
This works because the first practical steps after someone dies are already difficult enough without loved ones having to guess what kind of farewell you wanted.
Funeral wishes are often not about ceremony. They are about relieving pressure. If you do not care about flowers, say so. If you want certain music, say so. If you want a simple gathering rather than a formal service, say so. Your family should not have to interpret silence while grieving.
Example 5: Giving the executor permission to use judgement
I understand that no document can predict every situation. If something arises that I have not covered, I want my executor to make the decision most consistent with fairness, practicality and the spirit of my wishes.
I trust their judgement. I chose them for a reason.
This may be one of the most helpful passages a person can include. Executors often hesitate because they fear being blamed.
A good letter of wishes does not need to predict every future problem. It needs to give the executor a principle strong enough to apply when circumstances change.
Example 6: Addressing estrangement or exclusion
I understand that my decision not to include [name] may cause sadness, anger or confusion. This was not a decision I made quickly, and it was not made to create pain after my death.
The relationship had a long history, and I reached this decision after considering that history carefully. I ask that my executor not be asked to justify or relitigate it.
If questions arise, it is enough to say that I made the decision deliberately, while I had capacity, and that I asked for it to be respected.
This protects the executor from becoming the spokesperson for a painful family history. The wording should be firm but not cruel. A letter of wishes should explain without attacking.
This distinction matters. A calm explanation can reduce conflict. A final written attack can inflame it.
Example 7: Recognising a long-term carer
I want to acknowledge that [name] gave me significant practical and emotional support during my later years. They attended appointments, helped with household matters, managed difficult conversations and carried responsibilities that were not always visible to others.
Any additional gift or consideration given to them reflects that contribution. It is not intended to diminish my love for anyone else.
I ask my family to recognise care that was given quietly and consistently, even when it was not always seen.
This example matters because caregiving is often invisible until estate decisions make it visible. Where illness or changing capacity is involved, planning ahead after a dementia diagnosis reinforces why wishes should be recorded while the person can still explain them clearly.
A person who carried the appointments, medication, paperwork and emotional labour may be seen by others as “favoured” later. A letter of wishes can explain that the gift reflects care, not favouritism.
Example 8: Family business or private company interests
My business interests should be handled with care and patience. I do not want emotional pressure to force rushed decisions.
If the business is to be sold, continued or restructured, I ask that my executor seek appropriate professional advice and consider the welfare of employees, family members involved in the business, and the long-term value of what has been built.
My preference is that no one treats the business as merely another asset. It represents years of work, relationships and responsibility.
A business is not a necklace, a bank account or a car. It may involve employees, tax, contracts, debts, family pride and ongoing income. Executors dealing with business or investment structures may also need to understand who can represent a deceased estate for tax matters, because a letter of wishes cannot remove formal obligations.
This is where vague wording creates risk. “Do what is best with the business” is not enough. The executor needs to know whether continuity, sale value, family employment or debt reduction should be prioritised.
Example 9: Digital assets and private records
My online accounts, photos, files, subscriptions and private records are part of my life and should be handled carefully.
I would like important records preserved, private material treated respectfully, and practical accounts dealt with efficiently.
Please prioritise privacy first, usefulness second and sentiment third.
Modern estates often include digital records, and digital assets in wills and executor access is now part of practical estate planning, not a niche concern.
Digital access can reveal more than an executor needs: private messages, drafts, medical notes, journals, old conflicts, unpublished writing or deeply personal records. A letter of wishes should tell them not only how to access what matters, but how to behave once access is possible.
Example 10: Pets and dependent animals
My pet should be treated as a living responsibility, not an item of property.
If [name] is willing and able to care for them, that is my preference. If not, I ask my executor to choose the safest and kindest arrangement available, considering temperament, routine, medical needs and stability.
Any funds set aside for care should be used for food, veterinary treatment, medication, grooming and other reasonable needs.
A pet clause can sit in a will, but a letter of wishes can explain the animal’s daily life: food, routines, anxieties, medications, favourite places and the kind of home that would suit them. Guidance on estate planning for pets and future care arrangements is useful here because animals often need more practical instruction than a legal gift alone can provide.
How do you write a letter of wishes?
The best way to write a letter of wishes is to imagine your executor on their hardest day.
They may be grieving. They may be tired. They may be answering questions from people who all believe they know what you would have wanted. Write for that moment.
Use this structure.
1. State the purpose
Explain that the letter is intended to guide and support the executor, not replace the will.
A strong opening sounds like this:
This letter is written to sit alongside my will. It does not replace my will or any formal legal document. Its purpose is to explain my thinking, guide my executor and provide clarity where my formal documents cannot cover every personal detail.
2. Name your values
Make clear what should matter most if there is uncertainty.
Useful values include:
fairness
dignity
privacy
practicality
family peace
kindness
simplicity
continuity
care for vulnerable people
Values are only useful when they can guide action. “I value love” may be true, but “I want relationships protected over possessions where possible” gives the executor something to use.
3. Explain sensitive decisions
Do not leave painful surprises unexplained.
If someone is excluded, explain calmly. If gifts are unequal, explain why. If one person received support during your lifetime, note that. If a long-term carer has been recognised, say so.
You do not need to disclose every private wound. You do need to give enough context to stop others inventing motives.
4. Give practical instructions
Include personal belongings, digital accounts, funeral preferences, pets, important documents and people who should be contacted.
A step-by-step executor and carer roadmap can help you think backwards from the real responsibilities your family may face, while a legacy letter template for values and memories can help you find the right tone before shaping the document into executor guidance.
5. Reassure the executor
Let them know they have your trust.
The executor needs to know they are not expected to be perfect. They are expected to be careful, fair and practical.
For people who want to stop postponing the task, it can help to create a private letter of wishes record while the thoughts are still clear.
What should never go in a letter of wishes?
A letter of wishes should not contradict your will. If the will says one thing and the letter says another, you create confusion.
It should not punish people. A final document full of anger may feel justified in the moment, but it leaves the executor carrying conflict they cannot repair.
It should not create fake legal certainty. If something must be binding, speak with a solicitor and put it in the proper document.
It should not be so vague that it becomes useless. “Do what feels right” may be kind, but it does not help much when two people both believe they are right.
And it should not be hidden. A letter of wishes that nobody can find is not guidance; it is a missed opportunity.
Executors still need to meet formal responsibilities, including deceased estate trust tax return obligations where the estate earns income after death. A letter of wishes can support judgement, but it cannot replace professional legal or tax advice.
Where should a letter of wishes be stored?
A letter of wishes should be stored somewhere secure, current and findable. It may sit with your will, but your executor should know it exists.
This is where digital organisation becomes valuable. A secure digital legacy vault for wishes and documents can keep personal guidance beside legal, financial and family information, while a clear way to organise important estate documents in one place reduces the risk of loved ones searching through drawers, inboxes and old folders at the worst possible time.
For completeness, many families also benefit from knowing which essential records belong in a legacy vault should sit beside the letter. If different people need different access, private Rooms for controlled family access can prevent sensitive information being shared too widely.
The most useful planning is not only written. It is accessible.
That is why whole-life planning for stories, care wishes and essentials can help bring the practical and personal sides together. People who need more storage or sharing control can compare private plan options for storing and sharing legacy records, while those who want to understand the purpose behind the platform can explore the founding story behind preserving family connection.
When the goal is to make things easier for the person you trust, the simplest next step is to build an executor-ready wishes file.
Can a letter of wishes reduce family conflict?
Yes, when it is clear enough to remove avoidable interpretation.
Family conflict often grows in the space between instruction and meaning. A will might say what each person receives, but it usually does not explain why. A letter of wishes can say, “This was not about love,” “This reflects support already given,” or “This decision was made to protect relationships, not rank them.”
That kind of language matters. It can stop beneficiaries from creating their own explanations in the absence of yours.
The same principle appears in advance care planning conversations with loved ones, where clearly expressed wishes can reduce pressure on people making difficult decisions. In estate planning, the emotional logic is similar: clarity does not remove grief, but it can prevent grief from turning into suspicion.
For families managing sensitive information, secure family sharing for private records and memories can also help avoid confusion about who should see what, and when.
What is the best letter of wishes template?
Use this structure:
Opening purpose
Executor reassurance
Values and priorities
Explanation of major decisions
Guidance for sentimental belongings
Funeral or memorial preferences
Digital assets and private records
Practical documents and contacts
Communication guidance
Final reassurance
A good template is not a script to copy blindly. It is a framework that helps you say what matters without missing what your executor may need.
For practical completeness, include account instructions where appropriate, especially if loved ones may need help with closing online accounts after death. You may also want to use a final wishes checklist for family clarity so funeral, care and personal preferences are not mixed up with binding legal instructions.
If your life is spread across devices, paperwork and family memory, a living digital legacy vault for Australian families may make the letter easier to keep current. People focused on records can begin with secure document storage for estate records, while those concerned about privacy can review bank-level security for digital legacy protection. If the hardest part is simply beginning, a quick-start guide for legacy planning can turn the first session into something manageable.
Complete example of a thoughtful letter of wishes
Use this as a model, not a legal template. It should be adapted to your family, your estate, your documents and your jurisdiction.
To my executor and family,
This letter is written to sit alongside my will. It is not intended to replace my will, change my legal documents, or create binding instructions where the law requires something more formal. Its purpose is to explain my thinking, provide guidance, and help you make decisions with confidence if questions arise.
First, thank you.
I understand that acting as executor is not a small responsibility. It may involve paperwork, decisions, family questions, deadlines, financial matters and emotional pressure. I chose you because I trust your judgement, your steadiness and your ability to act fairly.
My most important wish is that this process does not create unnecessary distance between the people I love. Assets can be divided. Relationships are harder to repair. If disagreement arises, I ask everyone to remember that this planning was not created to rank love, reward loyalty or reopen old wounds. It was created to bring clarity to a difficult time.
The values I want to guide decisions are fairness, dignity, privacy and practicality.
By fairness, I do not always mean sameness. There may be places where I have treated people differently because circumstances were different. Some people may have received support during my lifetime. Some may have provided care that was not always visible. Some gifts may reflect need, history or sentimental meaning rather than simple equal division.
By dignity, I mean that decisions should be made calmly and respectfully, without unnecessary drama or public conflict.
By privacy, I mean that not every family matter needs to be discussed with everyone. Please share what people need to know, but do not feel obliged to expose private history simply to satisfy curiosity.
By practicality, I mean that I do not want the executor trapped by perfection. If something cannot be done exactly as I imagined, please make the most sensible decision available at the time.
Some decisions in my will may raise questions. Where gifts are unequal, this does not reflect the depth of my love. It reflects my understanding of need, past support, family circumstances and what I believe is fair overall.
If anyone feels disappointed, I hope they can pause before assuming harm was intended. These decisions were not made quickly or carelessly. I ask my executor not to enter into repeated debate about them. It is enough to say that I made these choices deliberately and hoped they would be respected.
If any person feels hurt by being excluded from a particular gift, I am sorry for that hurt. But I ask that the executor not be made responsible for explaining every emotional layer behind my decision. Some matters belong to the history of relationships, not to estate administration.
Personal belongings should be handled gently.
Some items may have little financial value but deep emotional meaning. If I have left a specific written instruction about an item, please follow it where practical. If more than one person wants the same item and no instruction exists, I would prefer that the people involved first try to agree between themselves.
If agreement cannot be reached, I am comfortable with the executor choosing a fair process, such as taking turns, drawing names, dividing items by category, or selling the item and sharing the proceeds if that is the only sensible option.
Please remember that sentimental belongings are not trophies. They are connections to memory. I would rather an item go to the person who will treasure it than the person who simply wants to win it.
I would prefer a simple and sincere gathering over anything elaborate.
Please do not feel pressure to spend heavily or create a formal event that does not feel like me. If people gather, I would like music, stories, warmth and honesty. A small gathering where people can speak freely would mean more to me than a polished service that feels distant.
If there are disagreements about what should happen, I ask the executor to favour simplicity, kindness and affordability.
I do not want anyone to feel they must perform grief in a particular way. People grieve differently. Some will want to speak. Some will want to be quiet. Both are acceptable.
My digital life should be handled with care.
Please preserve important records, family photos, practical account information and anything that may be useful to those managing my affairs. Please close unnecessary subscriptions and online accounts when appropriate.
I ask that private messages, journals, drafts or personal records be treated respectfully. Not everything needs to be read simply because it exists. If something is clearly private and has no practical value, please use discretion.
My priority is privacy first, usefulness second and sentiment third.
Please communicate clearly, but do not feel responsible for managing everyone’s emotions.
Beneficiaries should be kept informed about major steps, expected timing and practical requirements. However, the executor should not be expected to respond endlessly to pressure, speculation or repeated questioning.
If conflict arises, I would prefer calm written communication rather than emotional conversations that may be misremembered later.
Please do not let the loudest voice become the guiding voice.
I know this letter cannot cover everything.
If something arises that I have not anticipated, I ask my executor to make the decision that best reflects my values: fairness, dignity, privacy and practicality.
If there are two reasonable options, choose the one least likely to damage relationships. If that is not possible, choose the one most responsible and legally sound.
You have my permission to use judgement. I do not expect perfection. I expect care.
To my family and loved ones: I hope this planning gives you clarity, not sadness. These words are here because I wanted to make things easier for you.
Please do not let possessions become more important than the life we shared. Please do not let uncertainty become conflict. Please do not measure love only through what is written in formal documents.
What matters most to me is that you remember the whole of my life, not just the administration of my estate.
Thank you for loving me, helping me, challenging me, forgiving me and being part of my story.
With love and trust,
[Name]
Letter of wishes checklist before you finish
Before you store your letter, check it against these questions:
Have I explained decisions that may surprise people?
Have I separated legal instructions from personal guidance?
Have I named the values I want my executor to use?
Have I included sentimental belongings, not just financial assets?
Have I addressed digital accounts, private files and online records?
Have I included funeral or memorial preferences?
Have I avoided anger, accusation and vague language?
Have I told the executor where to find important documents?
Have I dated the letter?
Have I told the executor it exists?
If the answer is yes, the letter is likely useful. If the answer is no, it may still be meaningful, but it may not yet be practical enough to help the person carrying the responsibility.
For people who want one guided place for wishes, records and family access, secure your family guidance in one private planning space before the work becomes urgent.
Frequently Asked Questions about Letters of Wishes and Examples that Help Executors
What is a letter of wishes in Australia?
A letter of wishes is a private, usually non-binding document that helps executors understand your intentions, especially when formal wording is not enough. It should sit beside, not replace, your will, and it works best when it supports the practical role described in Australian executor guidance after someone dies while being kept with personal wishes and documents in a digital legacy vault.
Is a letter of wishes legally binding?
Usually no. A letter of wishes is guidance, while the will is the formal legal document. That distinction is clear in Australian explanations of wills and estate planning documents, and it is why many people use guided end-of-life planning and legacy creation tools to record context without pretending it replaces legal advice.
Can a letter of wishes override a will?
No. A letter of wishes should support the will, not compete with it. If there is a conflict, the will carries the legal force, and the same care is needed where super death benefits may sit outside the will, while essential documents for estate administration should be kept together so executors can see the full picture.
What should I include in a letter of wishes?
Include values, explanations for sensitive decisions, guidance on sentimental belongings, funeral preferences, digital assets, pets, key documents and reassurance for the executor. A strong letter reflects values and preferences for future decision-making and can be supported by a practical system for organising important documents.
Where should I store a letter of wishes?
Store it somewhere secure, current and easy for your executor to find. It may sit with your will, but digital access can reduce delays when family members need information quickly. The same preparation logic behind organising affairs before death applies to controlled sharing spaces for family records.
Should funeral wishes be included in a letter of wishes?
Yes, if they are expressed as guidance rather than binding instruction. Funeral preferences can spare loved ones from guessing about tone, cost, music, faith, speakers or simplicity. This sits naturally beside practical steps families face after a death and a checklist for recording final wishes clearly.
Can a letter of wishes help blended families?
Yes. A letter of wishes can explain decisions that might otherwise be misunderstood, especially where there are stepchildren, second marriages, former partners or caregiving imbalances. It can reduce the kind of tension described in research on inheritance and family relationship strain, especially when paired with private family sharing for sensitive memories and records.
Should digital assets be included in a letter of wishes?
Yes. Online accounts, photos, cloud storage, subscriptions, passwords and private files are now part of practical estate administration. The letter should explain what to preserve, what to close and what should remain private. It can work alongside estate planning guidance for digital assets and online accounts and practical steps for organising digital accounts after death.
Can I update a letter of wishes?
Yes. That is one of its strengths. Review it after marriage, separation, illness, property changes, estrangement, reconciliation, business changes or major family events. The importance of early clarity is especially obvious in planning ahead after a dementia diagnosis, and many families use support for loved one’s end-of-life planning to keep difficult conversations manageable.
Does a letter of wishes help with tax or probate?
It helps with context, not formal obligations. Executors still need to follow probate, tax and estate administration requirements, including ATO rules for representing a deceased estate, while what you actually get inside a structured legacy vault can help families keep practical information findable.
What is the easiest way to start a letter of wishes?
Start with the areas most likely to create confusion: unequal gifts, sentimental items, funeral preferences, digital accounts, pets and where documents are kept. If you need a short first session, use advance care planning conversations as a model for clear wishes and start a secure planning vault for your wishes before the task becomes urgent.
Final thought
A letter of wishes does not make grief neat. It does not remove every disagreement. It does not turn estate administration into something easy.
But it can remove avoidable uncertainty.
It can tell your executor what mattered to you. It can explain decisions that might otherwise be misunderstood. It can keep private matters private, sentimental items from becoming battlegrounds, and family members from inventing motives in the silence you leave behind.
The best letter of wishes is not the longest one. It is the one your executor can read in a difficult moment and think: I know what to do next.
That is the standard.
Write the letter that gives them that.
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